Guilt, everyone experiences guilt, whether it's a small kid feeling that rush inside him after he breaks a window of the neighbour's home while playing cricket, or the girl feeling guilty about stealing money from her mother's purse, or it's that criminal smelling the blood on his knife, Guilt is universal. But have you ever felt guilty for something that you haven't even done? Well, I have!
I was 16 in my 12th standard (high school). I was the guy who had the an image of the most disciplined student on the block, though I always thought to myself that I was a big mismatch between sincerity and average at academics. I remember our class teacher was fond of me as I was a responsible student, she was surprised at the marks that I got in her subject and asked me, "what's wrong?" and I though to myself, "What was right!" thinking about how I wasn't great at studies anyways.
We were on our way to Kullu Manali, a hill station in Himachal Pradesh, India. It was an overnight journey we started from New Delhi at around 9 pm. The bus ride was damn exciting with nutcase classmates of mine! Everyone was fast asleep, the bus stopped at a small
dhabha at around 4 am. Everyone got out of their slumber as we were told there is still a lot of time for us to reach our destination so we rather have something to eat or have out cups of tea & coffee. We all got down sat at the
dhabha with our eyes still in sleep. Everyone had their cups of tea and later the bill was given to our class teacher. Most of us got back on to the bus, we were just waiting for our teacher to come and yelled, "somebody bought two cigarettes, tell me who it is or we are turning back!"
We all knew who it was, it were these two
charsis we had in class who did have cigarettes with them and the teacher did get suspicious earlier when they tried smoking in the bus. We all knew it was them.
"Tell me now who it is, or else we turn back right now! This bus isn't moving until I get an answer!"
We knew she was capable of doing that, she was like the commander in chief of the Commerce batch. Most of the schools had problems with the Commerce batches as they were considered the most useless people on earth. There was a huge history of how teachers weren't able to handle these commerce cadres, until this young specialist came to our the school's rescue. She had raised havoc, made student's life miserable, but did do her job by keeping them on the leash.
So there we were thinking, she is asking who smoked, none of us will open our mouths even though we know who it is, those two idiots wont say a word, so are we going back to Delhi?
We held our breaths, "I was told there were two thin guys who asked for cigarettes, who is it? Tell me now!"
'Thin guys!' I thought, ' What sort of a description is that? I am a thin guy, my lips are blackish, people anyway ask me whether I smoke or not?' My eyes kinda widened and I was also getting that cold stare form the teacher.
I felt that guilt inside me, I told myself, "you didn't do it! What are u worrying about?" "But what if I get trapped in this?"
Silly thoughts lingered my mind
"Now everyone just take out a piece of paper write if you did this or not, and you may write your name on it."
It was clear that people who didn't do it will write their names and those two bastards won't, so it was a clever plot!
The trip went on, 20 people had food poisoning, rest was fine.
But I will never forget that rush....4 am in the morning!
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ketand's journal
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